When cover artists haven’t read the books

Stock Market ‘meltdown’ jokes

• ‘Assets are written on the left and liabilities on the right side. But, there is nothing left on the right and nothing is right on the left.’

 

• ‘Bankrupt allowed to return to their native place without ticket, says Railway Minister Lalu Prasad’; ‘Bankrupt to be given imported wheat free on ration: Agriculture Minister Sharad Pawar’; ‘Stock market losses to be treated as tax deducted at source: Finance Minister P Chidambaram.”Assets are written on the left and liabilities on the right side. But, there is nothing left on the right and nothing is right on the left.’

 

• Markets are the places where two types of people meet up in the morning — those with experience and those with money. Towards the end of the day, they exchange their assets and go home.

• What’s the difference between investment bankers and pigeons? Pigeons are still capable of making deposits on Aston Martins.

 

• What is the capital of Iceland? £2.50

 

• What’s the difference between an investment banker and a KFC Bargain Bucket? A Bargain Bucket can feed a family of four.

 

• What is the one thing Wall Street and the Olympics have in common?Synchronised diving.

 

• Deciding to surprise her husband at work, an investment banker’s wife pops by his office. She finds him behind his desk with his secretary sitting on his lap. Without hesitation, he starts dictating, “…and in conclusion, gentlemen, credit crunch or no credit crunch, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair!”

 

• What is Andy Hornby’s favourite chocolate bar? A credit crunchie.

 

• Recent internet rumours about previously sound Japanese banks in serious trouble include Origami (folded), Sumo (went belly-up), Bonsai (cut some branches), Ninja (still in the black), Kamikaze (shares nose-dived), and something fishy about Sushi Bank and raw deal in the offing.

• I’ve had terrible financial problems during the credit crunch, but I’m getting back on my feet again now. They’ve repossessed the car.

 

• The credit crunch is getting bad, isn’t it? I lent my brother a tenner yesterday. It turns out I’m now Britain’s third biggest lender

 

• If Winston Churchill were alive today, he would say: “Never before in the field of global finance was so much damage done to so many by so few.”

 

• What is the difference between giving £50 to RBS and giving £50 to a prostitute? Either way, you get no real interest, then suddenly all your money is gone and you’re screwed.

Witty Quotes

“Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act.” — Truman Capote

 

“The dreams in my spirit mirror the solitude of my dark solitude.” –Z. Hazel Ballantine, O My Poetry

 

He knew everything about literature except how to enjoy it. – - – Joseph Heller

 

To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there’s no music, no choreography and the dancers hit each other. – J. Handy

 

In America, only the successful writer is important, in France all writers are important, in England no writer is important, and in Australia you have to explain what a writer is. – - – Geoffrey Cottrell

 

Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.

 

The only difference between me and a madman is that I am not mad. — Salvador Dali

 

the television, that insidious beast, that Medusa which freezes a billion people to stone every night, staring fixedly, that Siren which called and sang and promised so much and gave, after all, so little… – Ray Bradbury

 

“An artist is a person who can hold two contradictory thoughts in his mind at the same time”

 

Fairy tales: horror stories for children to get them used to reality.