• ‘Assets are written on the left and liabilities on the right side. But, there is nothing left on the right and nothing is right on the left.’
• ‘Bankrupt allowed to return to their native place without ticket, says Railway Minister Lalu Prasad’; ‘Bankrupt to be given imported wheat free on ration: Agriculture Minister Sharad Pawar’; ‘Stock market losses to be treated as tax deducted at source: Finance Minister P Chidambaram.”Assets are written on the left and liabilities on the right side. But, there is nothing left on the right and nothing is right on the left.’
• Markets are the places where two types of people meet up in the morning — those with experience and those with money. Towards the end of the day, they exchange their assets and go home.
• What’s the difference between investment bankers and pigeons? Pigeons are still capable of making deposits on Aston Martins.
• What is the capital of Iceland? £2.50
• What’s the difference between an investment banker and a KFC Bargain Bucket? A Bargain Bucket can feed a family of four.
• What is the one thing Wall Street and the Olympics have in common?Synchronised diving.
• Deciding to surprise her husband at work, an investment banker’s wife pops by his office. She finds him behind his desk with his secretary sitting on his lap. Without hesitation, he starts dictating, “…and in conclusion, gentlemen, credit crunch or no credit crunch, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair!”
• What is Andy Hornby’s favourite chocolate bar? A credit crunchie.
• Recent internet rumours about previously sound Japanese banks in serious trouble include Origami (folded), Sumo (went belly-up), Bonsai (cut some branches), Ninja (still in the black), Kamikaze (shares nose-dived), and something fishy about Sushi Bank and raw deal in the offing.
• I’ve had terrible financial problems during the credit crunch, but I’m getting back on my feet again now. They’ve repossessed the car.
• The credit crunch is getting bad, isn’t it? I lent my brother a tenner yesterday. It turns out I’m now Britain’s third biggest lender
• If Winston Churchill were alive today, he would say: “Never before in the field of global finance was so much damage done to so many by so few.”
• What is the difference between giving £50 to RBS and giving £50 to a prostitute? Either way, you get no real interest, then suddenly all your money is gone and you’re screwed.
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